Life affects us all in different ways.
I am just a normal human being living life the best way that I know how. During the surprising number of decades that I have been here, my life has been peppered (more than most) with those I love passing away. I believe we are here to learn lessons and leave an impact on the world that surrounds us and that the clues about that impact are shown to us in subtle ways.
So . . . I look for subtle clues.
When my youngest son passed away from cancer the day after his 21st birthday, there was nothing subtle about that. The duration of his illness and his final passing were the stuff from nightmares. They say that no-one should bury one of their own children. It’s true. This experience has affected me as much as losing my mother as a teenager, but this one left a wound that was so great that even 16 years later I have trouble touching. It is raw, painful and numb all at the same time. At best, I have learnt to live around that wound.
Jackson’s experience turned him into a young man with the humility of a sage. Toward the end of his 3 year journey he accepted his fate and took his funeral into his own hands. He decided he was going to be cremated. He chose the songs for his funeral and decided that a friend would play them on his guitar. He also spent many hours making miniature paper cranes that he wanted thrown on his coffin instead of flowers. Paper cranes are a symbol of long life and good health.
From the many funerals I have had to attend, this is the one that I remember the most. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he was my darling son, but I believe that the impact of him making his own decisions about his funeral was just as big.
Fast forward to 2 years ago.
I was having a conversation with my nephew about the funeral industry over a glass of wine one evening. We were talking about the impact they have and how people could make a difference at their own funeral. I put to him that I would love to make a coffin that people could build themselves – he said like a flat pack that they could keep under the bed?
The idea was born. From that day on, I have found the strength and knowledge to follow my purpose.
Since then I have been possessed with the notion of making a difference, helping to change the perception that funerals are out of our hands (in the hands of funeral parlours). Until the World Wars, death was as much a part of living as birth was. People died at home. Australia’s current home death rate is around 15%. Because of the overwhelming presence of death during the Wars society has handballed the responsibility to the funeral industry.
It’s time to take it back.
A funeral is the FINAL time that we can express our essence, our love, our personality. Does a shiny brown box with silver handles do that? Let’s celebrate the life that has completed. Let’s make it really personal – colourful, symbolic and individual. We have been told that there is only one way to say goodbye and the rules are rigid. Well, that’s wrong! The laws in Australia do not reflect that.
We are a multi-cultural, diverse nation with many different backgrounds. There is no hard and fast rule about how you celebrate your life or that of a loved one.
The families that have come to me and taken the opportunity to build and/or personalise a casket have experienced the joy of expressing the essence of a loved one, and truly do experience a higher level of satisfaction and peace. This warms my soul to see. Last Expressions is my vision, my life’s work – to see and hear others thankful that they have been able to express their love and grief in a way that will be with them for the rest of their lives.
As Jackson would say: Every Moment, Every day, Enjoy!
Jennie Barnes